Who Am I?

It has just occurred to me that there might be people reading this who either don’t know me that well or have lost touch with me over the years.  About eight or nine months ago, the “25 things about me” note was all the rage on Facebook.  It circled around like wildfire, and everyone found out everything about everyone.  I didn’t do it then, but I figure now would be a good time, so that you, the reader, could get caught up with me, the blogger.  Plus, I really enjoy being on the cusp of the dated and the outdated1.

The following things you will learn about me are in no particular order.  They will, in fact, all be true, but may include a joke that is either an obvious exaggeration or something else that I find funny.  So, you know, be on the lookout for those.  Here we go.

There are three things I love a whole lot2.  Chicken, “Back to the Future,” and my wife.  Now, if I were to put these in any kind of order, sadly chicken would inevitably come in third.  As for the other two, that’s a little tougher.  I love my wife very much, but to be fair, I’ve loved “Back to the Future” longer.  However, my love for “BTTF” has most likely peaked, whereas my love for my wife grows every day.  So, gun to my head3, I’m pretty sure the wife will be number one for the long haul.

I pronounce the word “probably” with three syllables.  Bet you didn’t know that… or care…

I am related to the current “sexiest man alive,” Johnny Depp.  Don’t believe me?  I don’t blame you, but it is actually true.  Any questions as to how can be directed to my Granny.  On a personal note, even though, since he’s family, I don’t particularly find him sexy, I’m still very proud of what he has accomplished in the “sexy” category.

The first movie I ever saw in the theater was “Sesame Street’s Follow That Bird.”  If you haven’t seen it, it is at times hilarious and at other times incredible, and then at different times heart-wrenching.  Spoiler Alert:  Bad guys paint Big Bird blue, put him in a cage, and force him to perform in front of people.  It’s sad, but thinking about it doesn’t make me cry…at all.  I’m not crying.

My oldest friend is Eric Christiansen.  He is 39.

Over the course of my 26 and a half years of life, I have lived in Bluffton, IN, Fort Wayne, IN, Muncie, IN, New Castle-Under-Lyme, England, Newington, CT, and Omaha, NE.  Now, I’m sure you’re saying to yourself, “Wow, Josh has lived in a lot of boring places and one awesome place.”  Well, you are absolutely right.  Nebraska is awesome!

If I could be any alien, I would Superman.  The reasons are threefold.  1.  I wouldn’t look all weird and gross.  2.  I’d have superpowers, duh.  3.  I’d be working at a newspaper, writing for a living4.  Sweet!

Every Sunday right around two p.m., I check to see what movies were the top ten grossing films of the weekend.  For some reason, I’m fascinated by what movies do well and what movies fail miserably.  And yes, I really do find that fascinating.

My wife and I have an incredible story, and someday, I’ll lay the whole thing out on here.  But for now, here’s a long story short.  We met in England, got engaged on top of the Empire State Building in NYC5, got married in Sedona, Arizona, and honeymooned in Hawaii.   And now we live in…let’s just end it at Hawaii.  I think that’s a stronger finish.

I would much rather take 30 to 45 seconds to squeeze my foot into a tied shoe than waste the ten seconds it would take to un-and re-tie it.

I have very little use for slang.  I don’t know how words that mean one thing end up meaning something completely different.  Whenever I use the words “sick” or “wicked,” you can be sure I’m talking about feeling ill or a witch of the west.

Over the course of my life so far, I’ve had many “dream jobs.”  In a very specific order (which I won’t reveal to you), they are:  Math Teacher, Filmmaker, Policeman, Sitcom Writer, Pro Tennis Player, Radio DJ, and Ghostbuster.  But just recently, I’ve found my true calling.  I want to be the new voice of movie trailers.  I think I’d be pretty good.  I have the required soothing, yet menacing baritone voice.  And with my love of writing, maybe I could do that too.  “In a world that’s about to be destroyed by various alien-vampire-robot-werewolf-frankensteins, one man will stand up and fight, and probably win.  ‘The Man Who Stops the Alien-Vampire-Robot-Werewolf-Frankensteins’ opening everywhere July 19th.”  Yeah, that job is MINE!

  1. Is there a difference between dated and outdated?  I think they both have negative connotations.  From now on, I’m going to think of “dated” as bad.  But “outdated,” that’s like the opposite of dated…or you know, out of the dated…which can only mean better than…dated.
  2. This is excluding family, which I love more than anything, but I have a joke to get to.
  3. My wife is holding a gun to my head.  It’s a squirt gun, but still.  I’m pretty sure she filled it with really cold water.
  4. But I honestly don’t know how much writing he actually does.  I think I would spend a lot less time saving people, and a lot more time getting my articles in by deadline…Maybe I shouldn’t be Superman.
  5. As opposed to the Empire State Building in Wichita?  Stop including redundant details, idiot.  I’m sorry.

So, there you have it.  12 things about me.  This is a rare occasion when I hope you found this blog entertaining but also informative.  I hope it has fostered a new connection between you and me, dear reader.  Leave those comments below.  And if you’d like to tell me a little about yourself, please email me at start_your_own_blog@gmail.com.

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7 Comments on “Who Am I?”

  1. Eric Christiansen Says:

    I am not only Josh’s oldest friend, I am, in fact, Superman. Check the criteria.
    Ejoyed learning about you.

  2. Brandon Says:

    Josh. I am pretty sure you were channeling Three Amigos with the whole dated versus outdated thing (famous versus infamous). Nicely done. On a semi-related note, I have watched the “Spies Like Us” Family Guy episode twice now. And it is awesome. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that this might be my favorite season so far. I loved the multi-verse episode. Especially the Disney part. They just get more creative with every episode. Roadhouse! Speaking of Disney and Roadhouse, I’m glad Disney didn’t make Roadhouse. I’m glad Disney didn’t make a lot of movies. But one movie I wish they had made: The Land Before Time XIV. After watching the first 13, I find myself awaiting, with baited breath nonetheless, what could only be an incredible 14th film.

    Now that I’ve rambled sufficiently…party on.

    • joshbranyan Says:

      I was channeling “three amigos.” You get me. Family Guy is most definitely amazing this year. “Ghost.” I’m honestly not sure which Disney sequel I’m more excited for Land Before Time XIV or Tinkerbell 6. Actually, I don’t believe in fairies. Oops, I just killed one. Clap, clap, clap, clap. Okay, I saved it.

  3. womanhater7 Says:

    I believe the most important thing to know about a person is what they choose as their passwords. I believe some day this will be the primary way to find your ideal match or your “soulmate”. Perhaps further research still needs to be done to see how “date password” people interact with “place password” people and so on. But surely your password selection will at some point will be as important as your genetic code. You mark my words. I am on to something here.

    • joshbranyan Says:

      The saddest part is, because people are so protective of their passwords and rarely give them out, I bet most soulmates never actually connect. Poor unconnected soulmates.

      • womanhater7 Says:

        Just think how much better the world would be if people shared their passwords.

        Also, I have always thought there was something special about Eric. I am glad he has come out of the closet. Congrats Eric you have made the world a little better.

  4. a faithful reader Says:

    What happened to (and I quote your first blog entry) “I hope to write three per week, with one of the three pertaining to either a movie or tv show.”

    What if David Letterman only did a show every week and a half after promising 5 a week?

    I haven’t seen 3 blogs a week. I have barely seen a blog a week. And I am yet to read anything about a movie or tv show. I am a fan that is hungry for more insight into the mind of Josh Branyan. Please feed me.


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